So this wonderful day starts with my husband and I on the same morning schedule.
That never happens, we’re usually on alternating days, but today we had to be in the office and we had to leave at the same time, to catch the same bus, followed by the same train, before parting ways at different train stops.

Before we leave the house I ask Danny what he wants for lunch. He says “it’s Friday, I have $20 in my wallet, I’m going to treat myself to lunch today.” Sounds good to me, no lunch needed.

I ask Danny if we could leave a few minutes early so that I didn’t have to run for the bus. He was ok with that. So far, so good. Until we’re walking through the park (shortcut to the bus stop). I say “Danny, can we slow down a bit, there’s no need to rush, we left a solid eight minutes early.” But I’m not sure he heard me.

I say “Danny, please slow down, I don’t feel very good.” This is when I realized that I took my morning vitamin on an empty stomach which I’m not supposed to do. I slow to almost a complete stop.

Danny turns around and gives me that “hurry up” look. I take a few steps and say again “Danny, I really don’t feel so good” but this was cut off by my abrupt halt, and vomit on the grass. Danny stops. I take a few steps. Turn, yack again. A few more steps, and spew a third time, sure that I’m done now. What the heck am I even throwing up? I just said my stomach was empty.

Anyways, I feel better and Danny now has a slower pace. We get to the bus stop and I start snacking on carrots and water, trying to appease the dang vitamin. I asked my husband if he brought the bus change that I had put on the counter. He said “some of it.”

Yes, I realized I had some pennies there, but those have value too and we needed every cent to get on the bus. So after digging through my wallet I came up with two nickels, which was enough to let Danny’s small mistake of leaving the pennies behind, slide.

The bus comes, we get on. We get to the train station. Danny says “I’d like to buy something to eat before we catch the train.” So we head in the food direction. He spends $7 on a paper, two drinks (one for me) and a couple snacks. He has a long journey ahead of him still.

We walk to the platform, I turn left, he turns right. I say “I’m walking this way, I get on the train down there.” He says “well I usually go down here, but I’ll come with you.” I think he still feels bad about rushing me through the park.

So we get to my usual spot and the train comes and we board. Again, I turn left and he turns right. He ends up following me all while saying “you’re mucking up my routine.” A few stops later he has to get off. The train becomes express and I stay on. Where Danny gets off the train, he cross the platform and boards a second train.

Normally he takes the second train two more stops, gets off and takes a long bus ride to work. Today, however he decides to stay on the train for an extra two stops. He now has to go back the way.

Meanwhile, I arrive at work, settle down, and get a phone call maybe ten minutes later from “BELL PAYPHONE.” This can’t be good, I answer the phone.

Danny explains to me that he got distracted reading the paper, and since I messed up his routine he forgot to get off the train. He now has to buy a ticket going back the way. There’s another $4 spent.

I ask him where the cell phone is, he says he left it at work. Danny asks me to Google his company, find the contact page, call the receptionist and tell her that he is running about 30 minutes behind schedule and is going to be late for the meeting with John Anonymous.

Payphone call, cost $1 when you don’t have quarters.

Alright, I have my task. Google, check. Company phone number, check. I dial the number and press ‘0’ for the receptionist. Danny told me her name is Nancy, and she’s very nice.

Ok, easy so far, right? Not quite. The phone rings, someone picks up, jostles about with the receiver and then I hear “BEEP” and am put on hold. I say “what the fuck?” and hang up the phone.

2nd attempt: this time when the jostling starts I say “HELLO HELLO HELLO” until I hear again “BEEP” and am put on hold. “Seriously? What kind of receptionist just puts you on hold without saying hello? What the fuck, man?” I hang up.

I decide to wait until past 8am. I figure maybe that’s when Nancy starts actually answering calls.

3rd attempt (8:05am): again someone picks up and jostles the phone about, so this time I say “NANCY? ARE YOU THERE? HELLO” Pause… “BEEP”

Well screw this, I’ll wait the hold time and see what happens. I put the receiver down nicely and press the speaker button. I am now on hold, and hands free. I spend about 5 minutes typing an email. I message a friend and ask her to call and see what happens. I said if she gets through, tell them they have me on hold.

She messages me back, said the same thing happened to her. Again I say “seriously? What the fuck?” Then my coworker arrives and I tell him the story. Meanwhile, I’m still on hold. I look at the timer on my phone and it says I’ve been on hold for over 10 minutes. I’m just about to throw in the towel when the automated message comes on over speaker. “The recording has stopped. You have reached the recording limit.”

“What the hell man, I just recorded a ten minute message?” I hang up the phone and have half a mind to call back and leave a dirty message on the machine advising that perhaps someone should say “please leave a message after the beep” or something to let a person know that they are leaving a message. This is terrible phone etiquette.

I’m exhausted and still not feeling well from my morning adventure through the park, I have my own work to do and all I want to do is leave a message on behalf of my husband.

4th and final attempt: This time I’m smarter, screw the stupid receptionist. Nancy might be nice but she’s not taking calls this morning.  Instead of dialing ‘0’ I decide to dial by company directory. I’ll bypass Nancy altogether and go right for Johnny Anonymous.

BINGO! I get through and leave a scattered message explaining my husband’s dilemma. Relief, sigh. My job is finally done.

Until a few hours later when I get another email from my darling husband. He said that when he got to the right train station, he ran to catch his bus. Normally it’s $0.60 if you get off the train to catch a bus. But the bus he got on was express.

The driver said “express buses receive full fare. Pay $3 or wait for the regular bus.” Danny says “express, eh? This will get me to work sooner, no doubt.” He pays the $3.

30 minutes later, the driver says “this is the end of the route for the express bus. If you want to go further up, you have to get off here and wait for the next bus.” Well Danny has another 5 blocks to go, so he gets off and waits for the next bus.

The next bus comes and Danny gets on. The driver says “$3 please” and Danny says “but I just got off the express bus.” Driver says “where is your transfer?” To which Danny responds “son of a bitch” and pays another $3.

He now has no money for lunch, he arrived at work late, and the little change left has to get him back home. He’ll be able to get back to our local train station, but he doesn’t have enough money to pay the bus fare to get to our house. He wants me to meet him at the train station tonight with some cash and possibly some food.

Poor guy. Rainy day. Bad luck.

Alright. I’ll do it. But in return he must tell Nancy how to answer the phone. He replies with “Nancy took a vacation day, they called in a temp.” ‘Nuff said. Boy, are they seriously lacking without Nancy. They got 3 “what the fuck” messages followed by a fourth ten minute recording of typing and story telling. And that was just from me. I can’t imagine if anyone else decided to call the company today.

I get home early from work and have about 3 hours to kill before heading back to the station to get Danny. Pan to three hours later. I’m waiting for the bus in the rain.

The bus comes, I board, I pay the $0.60 fare. The driver doesn’t move. Doesn’t even close the door. I really think he’s going to kick me out. He says “where’s your train ticket?” Apparently if you don’t show your train ticket, you have to pay the full fare. In all the weeks I’ve been riding the bus in this city I have NEVER been questioned. The train station is 10 minutes away by bus, I get off there, it’s obvious I’m catching a train. Everyone does it.

But not today. The driver says “pay the full fare.” Well I’m not having any of this. I said “I don’t have a train ticket, I was planning on buying one when I got to the train station. How can I show you a ticket that I haven’t purchased?”

Again, he says “no ticket, pay the full fare.” Well son of a bitch! Hells NO! I’ve had it up to here! I showed him my ten ride ticket from that afternoon. It was completely used up. I said “look, here is my ticket. It’s full. I have to buy another one when I get to the train station.”

He accepts this. Barely. He closes the door and drives on. We get to the station and I get off the bus. For the first time, not even bothering to say “thank you” he’s damn well lucky I didn’t mutter “douche bag.”

Of course I know he’s watching me as I walk to the station to buy a ticket. I need another ten ride anyways, so it’s no big deal if I buy it now. I’m still not getting on a train. Just then I hear Danny say “Jacs, where are you going?” Well the terminal is all windows and I can feel the bus driver still staring at me so I say “Apparently, I’m getting on a train.”

My husband follows me, smirking and believing I’m delusional. I pass him an apple hoping that will shut him up. I know he wants to mock me, at least if he’s eating he’ll be distracted.

I wait in the tunnel. I send Danny out and say “tell me if the bus is gone.” He goes, and returns. “No buses are in the terminal, we’re clear.”

So on we walk. But of course there was one bus left in the terminal and it’s the one with the damn douche bag driver. I’m trying to hide myself, but I’m pretty memorable, with my tartan cap and my big Ché over coat. I know I’m going to see this driver and he’s going to get me back and make me pay an extra $3 next time. And I refuse to pay that money. The train station is only about a 35 minute walk from my house. I’m not going to pay $3 to catch a bus when I can walk that distance.

Today I couldn’t walk, it was raining and I’m clearly sick from this morning’s marathon.

Screw the buses, I’m done with them for the day, and I know Danny is too. We go shopping and out for dinner and call a cab home. That was the best part of my day right there.