Dear Jac,

I’d like to get something really nice for my girlfriend for her birthday. We’ve been together for 8 months now and for every occasion I seem to get things wrong.

In November, we passed a jewelry store and she saw this diamond necklace that she absolutely loved. I bought it for her for Christmas. Apparently she was eyeing the white gold one, not the yellow gold. She cried and said I didn’t know her well at all.

I told her I’d exchange it but then she cried harder saying that I don’t understand what she wants. She basically gave me the silent treatment until I bought her the white gold, diamond necklace. This was in addition to the original one, because I didn’t want to ask her to part with it. She was wearing it after all.

For Valentines Day, I surprised her with romance. A nice, home-cooked, candlelit dinner, and a table decorated with rose pedals. I gave her a dozen red roses, and a pair of earrings to match the necklace. White gold, I remembered this time.

Well she complained about the dinner saying it was dry and overcooked, and about the roses saying that long-stem says ‘I love you’ better than the average rose, and I’m now forcing her to choose the white gold necklace over the yellow gold, because of the earrings. I should have got her earrings to match both necklaces that way she’d have a choice.

Her birthday is in 2 weeks, what do I do?

Thanks,

Dave

Hello Dave,

I really think you should be spending less on jewelry and start saving for that surgery. You know, the spine replacement surgery? What happened to you? How are you able to get out of bed every day, without a backbone to hold you upright?

I’m not sure that Hallmark makes suitable birthday cards for this girlfriend of yours so I recommend you write your own. It should go something like this:

“For your birthday, I got you nothing. You are undeserving and ungrateful and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I’m moving on. I want someone who appreciates me and won’t take advantage of my kindness. Find someone else to walk all over. Move on.”

Hopefully she throws the jewelry back at you and you can return it. Or re-gift it. I bet your mom would like a new necklace. She’d probably say “Dave, it’s beautiful” because that’s what any normal human would say.

Get over it. Tell your friends, if you have any left. You’ll all drink and make fun of the wench. Then they’ll help you find a real woman. If not, well I’m sure I can hook you up.

Email me when you get your spine back and we’ll talk.

Jac

• Disclaimer: Jac Star is not a trained or qualified psychiatrist, although she does read a lot of books. The advice given here should not be substituted for professional counseling. Mainly because it’s free. And professional advice usually isn’t. If you have a question you’d like Jac to answer, please email her with the topic “Dear Jac” and she will try her best to offer you her worldly advice. Hopefully.

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