Wikipedia defines a douche as:

A douche is a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself.
Douche usually refers to vaginal irrigation, the rinsing of the vagina, but it can also refer to the rinsing of any body cavity. A douche bag is a piece of equipment for douching—a bag for holding the fluid used in douching. To avoid transferring intestinal bacteria into the vagina, the same bag must not be used for an enema and a vaginal douche.

But I much prefer the urban dictionary version. It’s profane in content so I will just let you mosey on over there at your own discretion.

Here are some Google images.

As per Wikipedia

More like Urban Dictionary

I don't know what's worse, the tan or the brows

Ha!

What a douche!

So I’ve been told that people will get bored of my blog if I keep posting Matt Giraud updates and videos. I beg to differ. But if a story is what you want, well here you go.

Last week has been rough. First of all, the sperm bank that was my father is now known only for the unsanitized douchebag that he is. This is a fitting title, since his wife is a dirty cunt.

I don’t like dropping the c-word, honestly. But let me explain why this word suits her. First, she’s ugly. Inside and out. Miserable, and ugly. More specifically, she tried to sabotage the relationship between my mother and I when I was just a youngin. Feeding me several lies.

She told me countless times that it was MY fault that my grandfather didn’t like her, which is totally classy considering he’s no longer with us. She BLAMED me when my father had an affair (and got caught). She tried to ruin my wedding, and she has driven a permanent wedge between me and my brother.

So ya, she’s the c-word all right. A big, dirty cunt. I’d post a picture but I think the computer would crash and life as we know it in the Internet world would soon become extinct.

So the douchebag that is her counterpart gets all upset. Doesn’t understand why I would drop the c-word so freely. Are you kidding? So instead of telling me how upset he is, he hacks into his other daughter’s Facebook account and starts saying nasty stuff on her behalf. Tells my husband some things, my mom some random stuff, and myself. To me, he says something to the effect of “I’m not a sister” or something. Trying to make me think that a 13-year-old doesn’t love me. Big, strong man…

He even said things to my friends. My friends who have know idea what’s going on. And it’s all incoherent babble. Like worse than alcohol-induced. That’s right, daddy… we all know you’re back on the coke. Douchebag.

So I call him and tell him off. As if he wants to yell at me for calling his wife a cunt, then actually get to the heart of the issue… He married the cunt, now he has to deal with it. Serves him right.

So I’m over all that drama right? Then I get a letter from the government telling me that my husband’s application for permanent residency has been rejected. Don’t even get me started here. They fucked up. So in this whole recession that is our way of life, I have to panic that I might lose my job, and my husband can’t even get a job because he’s just an immigrant… Scratch that. He’s just a visitor. On permanent fucking vacation.

And I’m sick. Stupid flu. At least it’s not the pig flu. No irresistable urge to roll around in the mud. Yet.

So why have I been posting about Matt Giraud? Because I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m overworked and underpaid. My husband might be deported. Life sucks.

But Matt – he’s a breath of fresh air and a temporary escape. So let me have it.

You ever wonder if you’re a douchebag? Well… At least you’re not alone.