You know what really grinds my gears – people who say “no offence” and actually expect people not to get offended.

For example, I actually heard someone (on TV) say “I don’t want my son to be… no offense… gay.” What was worse was that she followed it with “so I always walk around the house naked.”
 
Yeah, because seeing mom naked will stop one from being gay. Who says that?

Saying something like “no offence, but I really don’t like that shirt you’re wearing” is hardly offensive. That would be a personal opinion and could be countered with “I’m not offended, I really do like my shirt.”

But “I don’t want my son to be gay, no offence” – seriously? It’s not a lifestyle choice, for crying out loud. That’s as offensive as saying “I really don’t like white people, no offence.”

Sure, everyone is entitled to their opinions but it doesn’t mean they are not insulting.

Are you less offended because she threw in a “no offence” remark? I hardly think so. Can you imagine if the comment was actually directed to a homosexual (as opposed to the camera and general audience)?

I wonder what they’d say to that, if they dignified it at all with a response. “WHAT?! Did you just say that? Oh wait, my bad… you said “no offence” so therefore it’s not an insult and I have no reason to get all defensive.” – Ahem, not bloody likely.
 
I’m offended, and it’s not even a personal attack.

So I’ve been told that people will get bored of my blog if I keep posting Matt Giraud updates and videos. I beg to differ. But if a story is what you want, well here you go.

Last week has been rough. First of all, the sperm bank that was my father is now known only for the unsanitized douchebag that he is. This is a fitting title, since his wife is a dirty cunt.

I don’t like dropping the c-word, honestly. But let me explain why this word suits her. First, she’s ugly. Inside and out. Miserable, and ugly. More specifically, she tried to sabotage the relationship between my mother and I when I was just a youngin. Feeding me several lies.

She told me countless times that it was MY fault that my grandfather didn’t like her, which is totally classy considering he’s no longer with us. She BLAMED me when my father had an affair (and got caught). She tried to ruin my wedding, and she has driven a permanent wedge between me and my brother.

So ya, she’s the c-word all right. A big, dirty cunt. I’d post a picture but I think the computer would crash and life as we know it in the Internet world would soon become extinct.

So the douchebag that is her counterpart gets all upset. Doesn’t understand why I would drop the c-word so freely. Are you kidding? So instead of telling me how upset he is, he hacks into his other daughter’s Facebook account and starts saying nasty stuff on her behalf. Tells my husband some things, my mom some random stuff, and myself. To me, he says something to the effect of “I’m not a sister” or something. Trying to make me think that a 13-year-old doesn’t love me. Big, strong man…

He even said things to my friends. My friends who have know idea what’s going on. And it’s all incoherent babble. Like worse than alcohol-induced. That’s right, daddy… we all know you’re back on the coke. Douchebag.

So I call him and tell him off. As if he wants to yell at me for calling his wife a cunt, then actually get to the heart of the issue… He married the cunt, now he has to deal with it. Serves him right.

So I’m over all that drama right? Then I get a letter from the government telling me that my husband’s application for permanent residency has been rejected. Don’t even get me started here. They fucked up. So in this whole recession that is our way of life, I have to panic that I might lose my job, and my husband can’t even get a job because he’s just an immigrant… Scratch that. He’s just a visitor. On permanent fucking vacation.

And I’m sick. Stupid flu. At least it’s not the pig flu. No irresistable urge to roll around in the mud. Yet.

So why have I been posting about Matt Giraud? Because I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m overworked and underpaid. My husband might be deported. Life sucks.

But Matt – he’s a breath of fresh air and a temporary escape. So let me have it.

You know what really grinds my gears – mullets.

The classic hillbilly mullet.

 The tourist mullet. 

The Asian mullet.

The beach mullet. 

The family mullet.

 The chubby child mullet.

The mugshot mullet. 

The midget mullet.

The canine mullet.

And the French mullet…  Though I believe this is called Le Mullé

And I just HAD to add this one:

The Curly Mullet

‘Nuff said.

P.S. The American Dream can be found here. In case anyone is interested.

You know what really grinds my gears – Life & Style magazine.

I don’t buy magazines but my husband thought that he’d surprise me with the newest Rob Pattinson story.

Maybe I’m devoted to Rob (and my husband) but I just thought the article was extremely distasteful.

First, Rob is on the cover of the magazine with a headline saying “Twilight Fight!”

It has bullets:
- Things get physical on New Moon
- Robert’s jealous of his new co-stars
- Kristen’s late nights with Taylor
- Robert speaks out on nasty rumors

So then I go to the table of contents page and again there is a big picture of Rob with a title “Rob gets replaced” along with the page number.

So I flip to the article. It’s a tiny article as well. It’s four pages, but this is all pictures and very few words… and what appears to be NO FACT whatsoever.

It talks about how Robert is jealous of the other New Moon actors. The new wolf pack is hot and they are capable of performing their own stunts.

Rob is jealous because they are getting all the attention and he is athletically challenged, whilst they are not.

The article also states that Rob said “I started crying when people were screaming at me.” Does that sound like a guy who’d be jealous that Taylor was now getting the screams? Totally contradictory!

It says that he’s jealous that he’s not the centre of attention. It says he is jealous of Kristen Stewart’s relationship with Taylor.

It also said that Kristen is possessive of Taylor and when girls scream at him, she gives them the evil eye.

It talks about the poor hygiene rumor and how Rob insists that he showers.

The article also says that Kellan Lutz is the HOT Cullen because Ryan Seacrest says so.

And the worst part is that apparently the cast and Robert’s friends are saying that his Twilight success is short-lived.

So I’m pissed. I read Rob Pattinson’s biography. I feel I know a bit about him and want to come to his defence.

First, he didn’t do Twilight for fame. He took the part thinking it was going to be a small, low budget film and just something else he could put on his résumé. He had no idea the success that would come from it and isn’t all together ready for the fame and popularity.

He doesn’t deny that he is ‘athletically challenged’ – but he is so not the jealous type. I just can’t see him crying over the fact that the other boys can do it, but he can’t.

He works really hard to portray the character and goes above and beyond to deliver.

As for Kellan Lutz, there was a comment in the article saying that Kellan said that Rob “does this thing when he’s really shy, he lowers his head and the girls love it.”

This could very well be true but Kellan does not say that Rob does this for the sole purpose of driving the girls wild. But yet that’s what the article claims.

Kellan is hot. No question. But Rob was hired for the role of Edward because of his angular looks, his uniquness. Something he has that is beautiful, different, and scary as hell. The role of Edward had to be more than just good looks, otherwise I’m sure Kellan could have done it.

And because Ryan Seacrest publicly announces that Kellan is the hotter of the two, that means that’s the general concensus?

That pissed me off too.

And the whole thing wth Kristen is ridiculous. She has a boyfriend. It’s not Taylor, and it’s not Rob.
Does it matter that she is seen in public with them? No, of course not. She’s making a movie with them for crying out loud.

And we all know that Edward is not the main hottie in New Moon. This movie is about the wolf pack. Edward doesn’t have that many scenes and he’s already confessed to this.

I guess the biggest thing that pisses me off is the fact that Rob Pattinson is on the cover of the magazine. So you put the guy on the cover and write slanderous things about him?

Come on Life&Style, this edition is what cottage-town would pile in with the ’rag-mags’

I’d like to read the next article quoting UFO sitings…

Thirdly, the moron clerk at the grocery store… Also an ignorant lady. I’ve come across this clerk several times. First, she never says ‘hi’ or makes small talk. Fine. The part that grinds my gears is she doesn’t even tell you your total. She just stares at you until you guess what you owe and pay that.

Second, she throws all your stuff after scanning it. It doesn’t even matter if it’s breakable. My husband does the bagging so he was standing at the end. It’s a conveyor belt with a button. In her aisle, the button is unnecessary, she will strong arm it down the way.

I’m busy watching the screen waiting for my total, knowing full well that the lady says nothing. This is also one of those grocery stores where you have to pay for plastic bags. So when my husband has filled all the bags we brought with us, he tells me how many more bags he thinks he’ll need.

He says to me “two more bags” – we communicate effectively. When we’re in this clerk’s aisle though, he says “can you have her throw some bags at me please.”
She’s in earshot, but we figure if she’s rude not talking to us then she’s probably rude not  listening either.

I look right at her and say “can you throw two bags at my husband please” and she obeys though she usually miscounts and I have to tell her that I paid for more bags. Shidiot.

Today was probably the worst of her days. I went to the store only for bread. One item. I got into her line because it was the shortest. She was cashing someone out. There was one other kid, and then myself with a loaf of bread.

The kid however (probably about 15) did not have anything to purchase. He waited his turn in line for another reason. She immediately grabs my bread and begins to ring it through. I stopped and pointed at the kid. He was there first.

The kid says to the clerk “the pop machine ate my toonie.” He’s perfectly clear, but the clerk seems confused nonetheless. So he repeats “I put a toonie in the pop machine and I got no pop and no money back.”

Well this clerk is not responsible for the vending machine so she calls over another ignorant woman who apparently has the key. The kid explains his story again.
The second ignorant lady very rudely says “I filled up the machine today, it works”
The kid repeats “I have no money and no pop” and resists the urge to say “so clearly it’s not working.”

The lady rings through my bread. I have my cash ready. I’m thinking now that the second ignorant lady has been brought into the mix, the first one can tend to her job, right? WRONG! She is incapable of multitasking and instead stares at the two having the conversation.

I felt bad for the kid. Clearly he wants his money and the clerks don’t believe him. Here’s what I think. Either he’s telling the truth, in which case you owe him $2, or he’s lying.

It’s not f*cking rocket science people, to resolve the issue you need to open the vending machine. Don’t call the kid a liar or give him a hard time. Just check the machine. If his money is there then give it back, and perhaps throw in a free pop for the hassle. If it’s not, you show him “see kid, I’m sorry there is no money here.”

It also does NOT take two cashiers to do this.

The first ignorant clerk starts ringing in the item of the person behind me. I stop her. I said “just the bread” and hand her a five dollar bill. This seems to confuse her too.

So I nod, yes stupid lady, just the damn bread. She takes my money and holds it as she continues to listen to the second cashier harass the kid. She’s just standing there listening!

I said “excuse me, can I get my change” and she gives me a look like I have some nerve asking her to do her job. So she passes my change and chucks my bread down the conveyer belt.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Poor kid.

Sadly, these aren’t all the ignorant ladies I’ve come across this week. I still have to discuss the new coworker who is bloody incapable of doing ANYTHING by herself. But alas, this needs a rant all to itself and right now there aren’t enough minutes in the day to vent out my frustrations.

Moving on to the second ignorant lady. This one is for you, ignorant lady at the market place and hoarder of all things plastic.

My friend and I decide to go to the market place to get some pre-chopped strawberries for her yogurt. After paying for her strawberries, my friend asks for a plastic bag so that she can carry her strawberries. The cashier ignores my friend’s polite request and decides now would be a good time to count all the $20s in the register.

Someone else now has a purchase to make so the cashier looks past us and says “next” and reaches over us to ring in the next purchase.

I could not believe her audacity! So I said “No. Can. She. Get. A. Plastic. Bag. Please.” Being very clear about the request. The cashier lady angrily passes a bag over the counter without so much as making contact at either of us. She’s too busy trying to serve the next customer.

My friend says ‘thanks’ though because she’s more polite than I am, and puts her own strawberries in the bag and moves her way on out. Towards the front of the store is where they keep all the plastic utensils and napkins and things. It’s a ‘help-yourself’ policy, or so I thought.

My friend grabs one of each cutlery and as she moves for a napkin the miserable cashier lady says “no you can’t take that, you didn’t pay for it.” My friend assumes it’s a joke. These things are complimentary. She continues on for a straw and the miserable cashier lady says again “no, I’m serious. If you want that you’ll have to purchase something else. You didn’t spend enough money for that.”

My friend puts it back and we walk out. The lady is still talking behind our backs so my friend flips her the bird, which I thought was quite graceful. It wasn’t just what the cashier said, it was how she said it. She was wearing her glasses at the bridge of her nose and looking above them to glare at us. The woman was fully ignorant and honestly, my friend handled it way more maturely than I would have.

If it was me, I would have put the plastic fork in my mouth and placed it back in the tub of forks and said “THERE! Have your stupid fork” – knowing she’d now have to throw out all the forks or contaminate the public with my cooties.

There is no sign in the store saying you must make a purchase to take a plastic fork. Nor does it quantify, what dollar value is worthy of taking a free straw. And the store is already ridiculously priced.

So here’s how it is, if I spend $0.80 on one single banana and I want to use a plastic fork and knife to chop it up into small pieces before sucking it up through a damn straw, you better believe I will be taking all of these things from you. You have a problem, put up a sign. No one likes you miserable cashier lady, if you hate your job then quit. I highly doubt you’re raking in the big bucks…. Oh now I get it. You’re forbidding us to take your good plastic ware because you’re going to take it home.

Wait until I tell your boss you’re stealing from work… I saw you eyeing all those $20s in the till.

You know what really grinds my gears – the ignorant ladies that I came across these last few days. So ignorant in fact, I may have to space out my blog posts.

First, there is the original ‘ignorant old lady’ (from previous posts) who I used to see at the bus stop everyday until I decided to take great lengths to avoid the b’yotch. You know, the one who always has to be first on the bus and off despite the long queue of people who arrived at the bus’s door first?

She just irked me so much that I actually decided to wake up sooner, leave the house earlier, walk the ten minutes in the opposite direction just so I could catch the bus at the mall and not have to wait at the stop with her. If I’m running a little behind I still catch the bus at the mall and would rather be late for work and thus have to stay late at work to make up the time then deal with that damn broad at the stop.

We are still on the same bus together but she usually just passes me and chooses someone at the back of the bus to irritate. Yesterday morning, however, I was not so lucky. The bus had less people than usual and I was sitting in my typical seat at the front of the bus, farthest from the heat, on a three-seater bench. Let’s say I’m in seat #1 for simplicity.

Ignorant Old Lady gets on the bus and sits in seat #3 on my bench. The part that starts the grinds my gears rant is when she decided to place her two bags on the seat between us (seat #2). I guess her enormous Mary Poppins bag deserves a seat on it’s own and can’t go on her lap like everybody else. Heaven forbid she put it on the floor in front of her or under her seat. Heck no!

Not one but BOTH of her silly bags have to be on the seat between us. AND bag #2 is resting nicely against MY lap. Well the Ignorant Old Lady recognizes this and moves her hand on top of the plastic bag, which I can only assume is her lunch. I believe this is her way of telling me that she does not want me to steal her valuable plastic bagged meal.

In case I didn’t understand this small gesture, she makes it more obvious by picking up the plastic lunch bag, tying it, and placing it BACK on the seat STILL touching my lap.

Her lunch is safe now, right? No! Even after knotting her bag she feels that I will steal it so she decides to store it safely inside her Mary Poppins bag. Well that’s good, it’s no longer touching me. But given that Mary Poppins bag is still on seat #2, the lunch is still within my grasp. Well Ignorant Old Lady must be on to my clever tricks, so she locks her arm through the handle of her bag and clenches on for dear life.

Alas, NOW her lunch is safe. Surely I won’t be able to take it from her. Oh sigh, this is still not enough for the old broad. She turns her body completely to face the front of the bus (and myself) and guard her bag with all her might. She crosses one leg over the next and starts to do this ridiculous twitchy thing which leads me to believe she’s practicing for the doctor’s reflex test.

Now that she’s kicking me I’ll leave her lunch alone. You know? A normal person would put their bag on their lap if they were so concerned for its contents. But Ignorant Old Lady who has no consideration for others or awareness of her surroundings would rather go to these lengths to PISS ME OFF!

So I’m sad to say that I’m getting a bit frustrated with Chapters – the store. I’m still happy with the online store and I think I will just stick to that from now on.

I cannot believe how much more expensive it is in store versus online.

I went to the store today to see if I could return my damaged vampire kit which they sent me via mail order.

I forgot the actual kit to exchange but figured I would check out the store first because if they didn’t have any to exchange it with then there was no point to me bringing my damaged one in.

While I was in the store I came across a Rob Pattinson book. It’s very nice, good pics and bio and what not, but honestly, it’s only a little bit thicker than the average magazine.

It is $22 in store. Then I go to HMV and see the same book for $19. So I want to know why it costs me less money in a MUSIC store to buy a book then it does to buy a book in a BOOK store?

I bought it at HMV.

I went back to the office and checked it out on Chapters-Online just to see what the value is. Here it says $16.72.

This is not including my discount. Clearly the best deal is Chapters Online, but that’s only providing that I’m getting an order with a minimum of $39 for free shipping. If not, then shipping brings it back up to be more expensive than the store itself.

I’m sticking with the HMV purchase here just to make a point. I know that Chapters only lost $22 of my business by me purchasing this elsewhere, but I like to think it’s dramatic.

Also, when I was in this Chapters I came across two rubber bracelets being sold together in a package with no price tag. One bracelet says Twilight with a little apple charm, the other bracelet says “I’m in love with a fictional character”

I bought these exact same bracelets from this exact same store about 6 months ago. I’m pretty sure it was the exact same staff member who sold it to me too. I see this guy all the time.

The only difference is that where this bracelet said “i’m in love with a fictional character” mine said “team edward” other than that – the same.

My bracelets 6 months ago cost $3.95. These ones (after I went to the cashier to ring them up) cost over $10!

Are you kidding me? The price went up by 300% in six months??? These things are rubber!

The charm bracelets and edward watches are pretty dinky too and they are $30 each.

I am just not willing to fork out that much money.

I realize it could be Summit trying to rip us off and not Chapters, but i think i was irritated in chapters because when i said “oh no thank you, not for $10″ to the cashier, he just tossed them aside and yelled “next” for the next customer.

I honestly felt like my business didn’t matter. Especially since this guy knows i drop $75 every time i’m in there at least

I know it’s my own fault for wanting everything Twilight but is it really necessary for Summit to do that? They know the fans are generally minors, if they made it cheaper, i bet they’d sell way more.

The watch is $30 and looks like it came from the gumball machine for crying out loud!

I don’t mind wearing gumball machine worthy jewellry but i sure as hell don’t want to pay $30 for it.

photo credit: publicenergy

First, I’d like to apologize for not posting nearly as often as I’d like. I’ve been so busy with work during the week that when I come home I just want to avoid the computer at all costs. This has left very little thinking time, let alone time to write. But rest assured, I have plenty coming. We all know that the world will never run out of things to complain about.

This marks a very special occasion as I have my very first guest post. Fellow blogger, Danny Brown (better known as my personal Mr. Right) has contributed some food for thought. What better place to put this but in the rant section.
I’ll start it.

You know what really grinds my gears – old people.
Where do old people get off?

I’m a pretty generous and polite guy by nature – I’ll hold doors open for people, give up seats on a bus or train for the elderly and pregnant women (especially pregnant old women!) and I’ll wait my turn patiently in the queue. So why can’t old people show the same respect?

They’re the same buggers that happily chirp, “I fought in the war for you!” Well, actually, you didn’t – you probably fought for my grandparents or parents, but I appreciate the sentiment. Still, this does not give you the God-given right to become obnoxious when you get older.

Seriously, the amount of time my wife and I have been standing in a queue and an old biddy barges through, or you don’t get even a polite thank you for giving up your seat… it’s like people get to a certain age and think, “Right, screw you world – now I’m going to bitch you up!”

Don’t get me wrong; there are plenty wonderful old people out there. Unfortunately, they’re seemingly becoming the minority. And with the way many of the new generation of kids today are obnoxious little cretins anyhoo, I despair for the future of mankind. Maybe I’ll go live in my ancestral Scottish cave – I’m bound to have one somewhere…

I’ve decided to set up a donation page. Please contribute for the following reasons.

My dogs need to be neutered. I have two small dogs so it will probably cost around $250-$300 per dog.

I would also like to buy a house. Not just any house. I want a multi-million dollar home.

Once I have that home, I’ll need to furnish and decorate it.

Please give me your money.

Is this working? You’d have to be a moron to give me money, but if you’re willing to give it then I guess I’m willing to take it.

I was fully aware that my dogs would need to be neutered prior to adopting them. I knew how much that would cost me as I did the research. I knew all the shots involved and those costs. Along with the food and toys and leashes and clothing (my dogs are hairless and actually need clothing to protect them from sunburns and cold weather). We crate-trained them so I needed to buy a crate as well.

Nadya Suleman recently gave birth to octuplets. This is eight babies all in one pregnancy. This is also in addition to the SIX babies she already had. For those of us who aren’t so keen on math, Nadya has 14 kids. She also lives with her mom in a 1-3 bedroom house and between the two of them (or 16 if you include the sweat shop that will eventually have to happen) they are struggling to make mortgage payments. I say 1-3 because I’ve read different bedroom amounts from different sources. Let’s say it’s a 2-bedroom home, as this seems like a good average.

Nadya is unemployed, unmarried, and has no boyfriend in the picture. I’m not sure how many fathers were involved in all of these pregnancies either. I’ve read there has been some trickery in conception. But I want to know why any doctor or any fertility clinic would contribute to this abomination. Don’t tell me this was natural, it wasn’t. Humans are not meant to have octuplets. I believe the most we are able to have (through natural methods) at any one time is three. Anything beyond triplets was done at a clinic with the help of a doctor and a turkey baster.

Each time Nadya gets pregnant she sets up a donation page, or asks for more money using the original donation page. She clearly needs the money to support her large family. Here’s the thing Nadya, if you can’t afford children, close your legs and stay out of the clinic.

Instead, she asks for money for her ever-growing family and she says she’s going to use this money to buy a multi-million dollar home. It doesn’t make sense to pay off the 2-bedroom home she currently lives in, lets ask the world for a mansion.

She also wants to look like Angelina Jolie. Who do you think pays for the plastic surgery?

The best thing I’ve read yet, is that she bought a Nintendo Wii. She’s collecting donations for a home and for her 14 kids, and spending it on video games. Excellent.

My husband and I were prepared when we adopted our puppies. But hey, I’ll take donations anyways. If this stupid lady can get knocked up and give birth to 14 kids, get plastic surgery enough times to look like a warped Angelina action figure, and still have the gull to ask for money from strangers, then I don’t see why I can’t ask for neuter money.

Think of it as the opposite procedure to the one that Nadya Suleman is asking you to support.
I’m trying to avoid getting a litter of puppies, where as fake-Angie is trying to breed an entire population to survive the economical Armageddon that is today, or at least breed enough to start her own assembly line for some laborious activity that might make money? I don’t get it.

How about you donate to a worthy cause instead? 12for12k